wow....

I finished my memory book (English project) i was looking back at all that has happened to me, and then writing a letter to the future me. I makes me think about what the world will be like in 20 years, who knows where i will be, what i will be doing. Who says i will even be alive. I wonder if i will be what i want to be, or if i will be the complete opposite. i wonder where i will live, if i will still be in touch with the friends i have now. Then i think about what if i didnt do that one thing or meet that one person? The smallest thing can make a huge impact. What if i didnt pray for that hobo on the side of the street? would he be where he is now? If is only a two letter word but can change a life, so instead of say "why didnt i help that person?" ask yourself this "what if i didnt help this person?"

Different Paths

I have made some pretty big decision in the last couple of weeks, and I'm surprised on how different I feel and act. I finally feel like I'm heading down the right path, and thats a relief. I just made a future life changing decision, I have changed my mind on what career I want to pursue, and the Collage I want to go to. Some changes are good, and some are bad, but it always seems like if you fall down and don't think you can get your life back on tract. Remember, a life changing decision can give you a lift back to your feet.

Fire

I'm sitting in front of a raging fire, and I have called myself a pyro before but i have never thought about it like this. I dont like starting fires, I just like to watch them and I'm fascinated by they way they seem so free and careless. I wish life was like that, where we wouldn't give a crap about what was happening around us or what other people are doing. All that matters is that we are alive and we should fulfill the purpose of us living. I do believe everyone has a gift and we come to relize those gifts when God feels that its our time. I'm not sure on what my gift is right now, but I have reason to believe that it is music or speaking to people about the good things in life and God. I really hope that someday I will see that me being there for that one person or me showing that person what life is about will make a difference to their life. I hope I will make a difference in many lives.

Change

I hope the change i just made is a good one. I believe change is always for the good, but my reasonable mind is telling me the opposite. Right now I feel pretty good about where I'm heading, but only time will tell. I know one thing I need to stop letting my emotional mind make all the decisions. I can only can only hope that I wont loose something from the change that I made.

"Life is Crap"

Well, i just really have to point out that my sister got me a "Life is Crap" calender for Christmas, and i believe its true life is crap. We go through so much more crap then happiness in our life that it almost doesn't seem like its worth it. But we do live it, our human minds seem to be programed to go through the pattern of our everyday life. I think that a person that takes their own life has to be the most stupid, but they also must be brave. I seem to ask myself everyday. "What's the point? Why do i do this? Where are you God?" The last one seems to be a biggy, and i have to admit that i have heard many sermons about where God is in your life. One of my fave verses to do with this is "²Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."- James 1:2-3. God is testing me?? But why would he do this to one of his lambs? Sometimes its not God doing the bad things it could be the evil one, Satan. Sometimes when i since that something isnt right or i can feel the evil one around me, i yell out "SATAN GET AWAY! GOD HELP ME! PLEASE" and then i feel relief and comfort. So next time you are having a bad day remember you always have God!

ps: an awesome song to listen to on a bed day- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OzzywdDozo

Boys, boys, boys

Well i can say this, they are retarded, and need some help. I just want to point out to all the girls that have been broken apart from middle school retards, move on, get past them. It makes them even more insane by hurting the pretty faces of young ladies. I have learned that dating them can be worse then the break up, so girls dont waste your time chasing after "the one" eventually they will come to you. Or you'll find someone better! good luck, and just remember the love you have in friends and family is why better then a dude that treats you like crap!

ps: one of my favorite quotes is "Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to." So also think about who you want to give that power to, and if they are good enough for that power. Your heart is very special, and needs to be in one piece!

Merry Christmas

This Christmas season has really made me think about all that has happened in my life. I'm praying 2010 will be better then 2009. I think one of the best gifts you can give someone this year, or any year, is forgiveness. Forgiving someone who has wronged you takes a lot of strength, but would clear your mind some. It would also be nice to start the new year fresh. Well, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!